| Don't be shocked if Imy heart stops |
[11 Dec 2004|06:31pm] |
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mood |
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 Let the wind take my soul away |
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music |
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the postal service |
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"Don't be shocked if my heart stops"
NOBODY WANTS TO PLAY THE FOOL
But that seems to be my role.
I walk on eggshells for you..
And for what?
For this-a slit
To express the grief
You give to me.
I will be trapped, forever,
Won't I?
Well I want you to know..
I would rather die.
My face seems more natural
When it's tear-stained and red
But I smash the mirror, anyway
Because my mask has been shed.
Don't look at me
When my gaurd is down
You'll fall when you hear the truth
And then I'd have to watch you suffer on the ground.
Don't suffer for me.
What good would that do?
My pride is already dead...
I don't want to lose you, too.
The misery will pass
Someday I'll be free
Maybe I can escape this role I play
and you will follow me.
Let's escape together..
Far away from here.
They don't have to know-
I can't keep living in fear.
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| Yup. THERE SHE IS. |
[30 Aug 2004|05:43pm] |
ok so..I forgot about this one, and I happened to come across it while casually glancing thru my notebook...and was somewhat freaked out. Forgot when, why, where I wrote this. It's worth posting tho.
"Yup. THERE SHE IS."
Sunrise
Open my eyes
To awake from falling
In my dreams.
You knew?
And you didn't help?
EVERYTHING about you
NEUROTIC tendencies
Of mine
Of yours...that reputation.
Chew up your pride.
What little you had, anyways.
Swallow it down
While my thoughts run faster and faster
You were always there for me.
Doesn't matter now though.
YOUR SAFETY NET BREAKS!
What will you do now?!
You never caught me,
Why should i lift a finger?
To be free..
I wish I had that. Freedom.
(Fall a foot more)
That's what you thought you had.
A lone flame sparks...
(Fall two feet more)
Is it all worth your penetration?
Your screaming breaks my concentration...
So close
(Alarmingly close to the ground)
Pity runs through my heart.
Those thorns on the ground will tear you apart.
Your apologies reach my ears
But your sorrow only comes from your fears..
My decision is already made though...
Your blood stains my shirt
As the thorns sink in
Your body misses my arms,
I didn't save you in time.
I walk away with tears in my eyes
I witnessed your death
Because of your lies..
Your fault.
Not mine...I hope.
I'm sorry.
-nikki
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| I Don't Do well Under Pressure |
[30 Aug 2004|05:31pm] |
the only thing I will say about this poem to describe it is: I'm down, but not out.
"I Don't Do Well Under Pressure"
Spinning
And I wouldn't want it any other way...
But I hope they don't know that.
I'm submerged in an avalanche
Of thoughts no one else
Will ever think
Wish I could dig my way out
But now I'm going down
And I can't see..
I can't see!
(help me?)
And it becomes blurry
Rather than dark
But I'm still not there.
You can't see me...
I hope you don't know
Please don't discover
This secret I have...
I could listen to you breath
For the rest of our lives...
Falling
Falling so hard
Into the tears
I never shed
That had never flowed
From the summer,
From everything.
Don't tell me to give this a chance...
Because
I REFUSE!
The insanity of it all
You just don't understand
Leave me alone.
LEAVE ME ALONE!!
Your incapability
To give a shit about me
Is truly upsetting.
So go home.
I can't do this anymore.
-nikki
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| "Something New" |
[27 Jul 2004|12:54am] |
(time now is...3:30 am. compooter time is wrong. ) "Revolution On Canvas" has made me feel like a really crappy writer, let me tell ya. But, I'm young, I still have a lot to learn, I know. Maybe I'm progressing little by little. Maybe not. For now, this is my ability, and I'm ok with that. I kno I just gotta keep workin with what I got. (woot.) lots of emo goin on in this one, ask me later, dont feel like goin thru it right now.
"Something New"
That kind of shit always stays with you.
What an odd depiction.
...Always, you say?
Well, that's what they said.
You're obviously unaware.
But still, believing is sweet.
I do wish you knew what you did to me, though.
Shouting my words
Louder than I can think them.
TORTURE...
It is,
Because you can somehow always make me laugh.
And it's scary...But you believe in me.
And it's sweet.
Stupid, but sweet.
I'll always secretly love the way the simple joys
Make you so happy.
You'd never realize
How cold it is outside.
I would never tell you.
You might die.
Appreciation goes a long way.
Don't contradict me,
Please don't hesitate.
Your heart exist only to break..
SHATTER!
Shatter like the glass
I know you are.
Look off...(into what?)
Take off...
Break off
My mask of cruelty.
-nikki
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| "Joy...?" |
[27 Jul 2004|12:25am] |
again...it's 3am, (compooter time is wrong), and I gotta hurry up. ARGH! I HATE RUSHING!
"Joy...?"
Don't ask me.
Secrets I don't keep.
Drama bores me into sleep.
Candles burn out in the backround..
Let the child speak for himself.
Spark the mind that will change the world.
HOPE until you die...
Embrace death,
And embrace life.
Yes,I'm a liar.
Full of shit.
Pure, beautiful nothing.
Speaking for the hell of it...
Keep staring;
I'll keep talking.
Shut the front door
On your way out.
Smile...
You have breath left.
-nikki
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| "Angry Cowboys Never Win" |
[27 Jul 2004|12:18am] |
ok, it's 3am in the morning.(my computer time is wrong.) I have to be super quiet and super quick. wow, you know it's early when I use the word 'super' more then once in a sentence. Anyways- I felt the need to post these next few up ASAP. dont kno why. here goes. also, this title won't make any sense to anyone but me, so if for some odd reason you actually care about it's meaning, just ask. oh crap...hopefully that sound wasn't Dad waking up.
"Angry Cowboys Never Win"
Submerged...
Running back
Because facing the dark
Would be too hard.
Switch it back on.
Everything's okay.
But I figured you would've drowned by now.
Then again, who am I to say?
Frustrating because...
THEY'RE ALL BLUE!!
Impossible to tell apart.
Choose wisely.
Let every empty word spill from a pathetic heart.
Let it down slowly.
I had an idea,
Like we all do.
Only...mine sucks.
Just like you.
HATRED.............
Swallow it dear,
That's what I did.
-nikki
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| I like you about as much as much as i like me |
[16 Jul 2004|10:02pm] |
"I Like You About as Much as I Like Me"
You clear your throat
And tell me the news
That dreaded word you used-
It haunts me now
In these early hours of the morning
It becomes my mantra
Repeating itself over and over
Not eating away at my sanity,
If that's what you're thinking..
My sanity's already gone.
In fact,
Almost everything is.
My mind has been dulled to nothing.
Do you know what that's like?!
To just have nothing..?
It doesnt even matter anymore.
I'm just a loser
With nothing to be happy for.
Oh that word..
I want to fashion it into an object
Something small
That could be held in my hand
I would catapult it to it's untimly death
The deepest depths of the oceans is where it would
land.
SINK,you cruel-hearted bitch!
Let your lungs fill with the salt water...
But unfortunatly-
What you said remains.
Really, you're not to blame.
That just makes this easier.
I know your words are true.
That's why they hurt so bad.
-nikki
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| GUESS WHAT?!! |
[15 Jul 2004|08:02pm] |
I know it was around 3am when I wrote this, so SORRY if it sucks. I choose to not put write what inspired it, I think it's gonna mean something different to everyone.
"Guess What...?"
GUESS WHAT?!
You are wrong,
And I am right.
You'll never convince me of anything else!
Let's just end this fight...
I love you,
And you love me
But we'll never understand eachother!
So give it up, please!!
No more foolishness,
Just stop talking.
I would pay you to SHUT UP!-
But I'm broke.
I am pathetic,
I am a joke...
And YOU have caused me to believe this!
So go away for now,
Until I'm better.
Think about how we used to be,
Before you met her.
YOU DON'T GET IT
And you never will
Accept our differences,
I beg of you.
It's hard at first, I know,
But it's something you have to do.
-nikki
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| INSOMNIA IS A BITCH! |
[07 Jul 2004|12:55pm] |
"Insomnia is a bitch"
I feel like dirt
And I just want to sleep
I have to much hurt
And it's much to deep
To sleep is to numb
And that's what I want
Ignorant bliss
A few lovely hours
The angel's kiss
Just me and my dreams
So my head will stop aching
To not wonder what this means
Just give me a pill
To sedate these thoughts
Just one wouldn't kill..
I promise we wouldnt be caught
Sleep! I would kill for thee.
Please forgive me, but I would.
-nikki
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| Think Again |
[07 Jul 2004|12:51pm] |
"Think Again"
I thought a thought
I did not want to think ever again
So I shut my eyes
Until the thought ends
I open my eyes
To look into the world
And I see a random stranger
For a few moments I wonder
His destination? His family? His life?
But again, the thought creeps in.
At least this time,
My eyes can stay open.
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| An Observation |
[04 Jul 2004|10:37pm] |
I was sitting outside of a publix in the car, and i noticed 3 women who were very different except for one thing: they were all wearing make up and had their hair done. Why though? I know i wear make up too, obvious to anyone that knows me, but still, for some reason I started thinking about this and this is the poem that became of it:
"An Observation"
How could they know?
I hid it so well.
I worked so hard.
And for what?
Everyday all of us put on these masks
To hide the insignificant flaws
But we can't betray the fact
That none of it truly matters...
I miss the days I didn't care
About my appearance and it's flaws
It just isn't fair!
No more abiding by this society's sick laws!
-nikki
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| A short 'no' |
[04 Jul 2004|10:34pm] |
"A short 'no'"
I'm sorry,
But I refuse.
I know if I asked you the same question,
That's what you would do.
At least I feel remorse.
You wouldn't care.
-nikki
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| Don't Be My Murderer |
[03 Jul 2004|10:25am] |
I have no idea where this one came from. Whenever it storms I always end up with a weird poem like this, so I'm not surprised. I guess it's OK, maybe someone will like it.
"Don't be my Murderer"
I know I seem so nonchalant
But inside I'm elated
It surprises me
That you cant see through my facade of hatred.
Please allow me to stare at you
Until the rain stops pouring
If only I could taste you
All night until the morning
It could be our little secret...
Don't you trust me?
I'll trust you forever, and after that even.
Wherever you may be,
I'll stay by your side.
If you don't give me your trust,
Than I see no point to my existence.
Do not kill my love for you.
Hold me, keep me safe from the world...
You are my everything.
comments are always appreciated, even bad ones! (-:
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| THINK 4 YOURSELF! |
[30 Jun 2004|01:24am] |
k, this was solely inspired by Dan in my youth group after he started talking about drugs and alcohol. It seriously pissed me off.
THINK 4 YOUSELF!
Why take the easy path?
Are you out of your mind?!
Stop hyping such a stupid act
Shut up for a moment and you'll find
You've made a dreadful mistake
And become just another fake
Is that what you want?!!
TO just be a moron?
Truly tragic, I tell you.
Keep doing what you do.
I gave you a fair warning.
nikki
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| My Darling Idiot |
[30 Jun 2004|01:03am] |
This is a love/hate kind of deal. Pretty simple; it kind of explains itself. It's not really about anyone in paticular. I wrote this a few weeks ago...
"My Darling Idiot"
WHO ARE YOU?!
And how dare you assume!
I hardly know myself,
And you believe you've figured me out?!
My deepest apologies,
Idiotic one,
But you have not yet begun
To see what truly creates me.
Don't dare utter my name
Horrid, beloved creature.
Although you have incorrect notions
I'll make sure you remain.
I love and hate you all at once.
So cliche, but it isn't my fault.
I am trusting the liar.
I am teaching a moron.
I am blaming the angel;
I am denying the authority...
Who are you?
Look what you have caused me to do.
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| You Aren't My Friend |
[29 Jun 2004|04:46pm] |
This one's called, "you arent my friend"... It kind of just came to me.
You aren't my friend
Will I ever get it right?
Not close to it,
But have it completly figured out.
Stop pretending you're trying to help!
Don't even apologize;
I'll know it's a lie.
Don't keep trying to trick me.
Don't give me things I dont need.
For instance, you.
You're a waste of time,
Not worth a dime.
You aren't worth the frustration.
This much I do know:
You are my all-time low.
Now let it alone,
Vile muderer...
You can tell me nothing.
leave comments, if you wish.thats all for today, im tired of being online. I hope this comes out ok.
-nikki
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| NEW JOURNAL! |
[29 Jun 2004|04:28pm] |
hello all-
This is my new journal specifically for me poems..good and bad ones. I'll write any notes about it, and maybe what inspired it once and a while...Today I'm going to put the ones I have so far. 1 poem per entry, to make it easier.
ta ta,
-nikki
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